I have to learn to choose my battles, accept and trust God’s plan, release my burdens, pray over my troubles, and balance my days. Maybe some days I can only get a few minutes to call my own. Maybe I get more. Revel in the time as blessing and respite.

Revel in the moments I can give respite and relief to another. Realize that life is what it is.

A variety of birds’ songs

A frog’s chorus.

Wind through the trees.

Silent clouds’ journey.

God’s comforting orchestra.

Weed eaters buzz.

Airplanes drone.

Automobiles hum.

Man’s annoying raucous.

Tinkling wind chimes.

Sheets flapping in the warm breeze.

A mother’s hum to a sleepy child.

Man’s variation of God’s symphony.

Many but one.

Pieces of one.

Pieces of none.

Different and same.

Pieces of me.

**

I find myself alone. I find myself hopeful. I find myself lost. I find myself concerned. I find myself unsure. I find myself confused. I find myself a mix of good and bad. I find myself a collaboration between who I am and who I need to be, who I might be and who I should be, who I really try to be and who I truly am one hundred percent…and who is that?

**

The winds blow from the north and I feel a chill up my spine.

The sun beams from the south and I sense a heat in my soul.

The earth is firm below my feet and I am rock steady.

The sky is a movable transom above me and I am transported.

There is a portal to my east and I escape.

There is a threshold to my west and I stand on the edge of my exodus!

If I jump I am a coward.

If I am pushed I am a victim.

If I laugh I am a mocker.

If I cry I am a suffering fool.

Alone I stand.

Which way do I go?

Indulgent I ponder the numerous answers.

Apprehensive I make a decision.

Timidly I take the obvious way out.

I take out my journal and paints and I am carried to place free of fear and doubt.

As I splash cool blue and warm sienna on the page I am moved to a calm, carefree safe dwelling.

Words form into ideals, serene and hopeful, I reestablish my haven of well-being.

**

If it were only so simple, watching the Georgia O’Keefe movie I find myself hopeful again. Maybe I will one day have the freedom to explore my creativity as long as I need, as often as I deserve, and regardless of its end. So what if I don’t make a full living as an artist? Who cares that no one else gets me or likes my work? It heals me. It completes me. It finishes what God started within me when I was conceived. He made me who I am. I have struggled to stay that being. I have an obligation to be that entity. I exist because of His love. I breathe because His breath is in me. I must stay true or my existence means nothing!  I must attempt to share my wealth of life experience and if no one bites then it is their loss.

I see the world from a vantage point no one else sees. I can share it but I cannot force the viewer or reader to accept it. I can live what I believe. I can be true to myself but I cannot make anyone else receive it. By the time I am dust in the ground my view may be valued. Maybe it will all die with me. Perhaps I am deluding myself into thinking my views are some great prize. It is possible its worth is only for my own strengthening. It is conceivable the words are meant to comfort my soul alone. It is believable the images are for my solitary benefit. If this is so then it is enough. I could not have survived otherwise.

I am who I am for a reason known only to God. He is within me and of me and I of Him. This is my life. Today I am nearly whole. I will fight to remain intact with every ounce of life inside of me. God labors in love to give life.  I labor in love to maintain life. I could so easily give in and give up. I could so easily take the coward’s path. I shall struggle on. I shall writhe in pain and bear down. I shall huff and puff and be born again of His love.

Drowning in doubt.

Flailing in faith.

Groveling with grace.

No justified joy.

Hardened hope.

I find no palpable peace

But…

Disabling doubt.

Refreshing faith.

Grateful in grace.

Justified joy.

Hearty hope.

I find a peace so persistent I cannot possibly escape it.

 So get over the anger.

Get through the days with grace and move on. THAT’T IT! ( as Lucy shouted to  Schroder as he finally played Jingle Bells)

I stopped and got stuck three years ago when Dad had his stroke. I’m caught in a whirlpool of my own making. Full of doubt, fear and anger I keep spinning out of control. No one can stop me I must choose to stop myself, focus on all the present good and leave the past buried and the future bright. I DO NEED GOD TO HELP ME AND FORGIVE ME! Then maybe, just maybe I’ll get through it.

The landscaping might be less than perfect, but this moment,

This breath,

This peace

Is perfect for me regeneration.

Its natural beauty fills my spirit.

Its quiet noise refreshes me.

I am home and there are no immediate needs to take care of.

Life is good.

If we only take time to

Watch it,

Feel it,

Taste it,

Hear it, and

Breathe it.

After blogging on another site for a long time. Frustrated with changes that don't help me, a dial up blogger, I decided to make a change and try this site after hearing from another artist that it works! Let's see if it does. I will be sharing personal writings, thoughts and creative ideas. Seem pictures will not be an option here. So, let's see where it goes! Hope you will stay with me.

Just a little longer,

I must trudge on.

Just a little stronger;

I must remain steady.

Just a little more faithful,

I must wait.

Just a little more careful,

I must believe.

Just a little more present,

I must remain.

Just a little more patient,

I must be.